Dear Diary,
I suppose this is exactly what I deserve; give someone my heart twice over means they can never match it. Although, I think, I really did love him. He was everything, I thought, I wanted, but you know what they say about something that perfect...
He is about to go off to war and I never wanted to part with bad blood between us- I wanted him to able to come back to someone who had awaited his return the moment he left the gates, who had worried, making herself sick, hoping, praying that he was safe. And now what will he have to return to? I don't really know that answer, but it most certainly won't be me.
I had intended to go and visit him before he left tomorrow morning, to wish him well and ask him to wear my necklace as good luck because yes, I am a sentimental fool. Seeing his room is quicker to get to if you cut through the servants quarters, I took that route and found myself walking past Margaret's room and guess what I see- her placing her own necklace round his neck and then the two of them sharing a kiss! I cannot believe that of all people, my own maid, someone who is there with me at the most private times, high, lows, secret, public; this isn't a random betrayal, this is personal.
And there I was standing like a stupid idiot, at the door: jaw dropped, eyes welling up with tears, my whole body stiff with shock and they look up and she covers her mouth and he says the one thing I really, REALLY didn't want to hear...
"This isn't what it looks like..."
WELL THEN EXCUSE ME! IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW! IT'S ALL OKAY NOW THAT IT ISN'T WHAT IT BLATANTLY SEEMS TO BE! So I run of crying, in no uncertain terms telling him to save his breath and perhaps save the oxygen he is using to do just that.
Back I go to my room, slamming the door, all very dramatic and Shakespearean and he is outside, firstly begging me to open the door so we can talk, then telling me he's sorry, then telling me that it wasn't his fault, then telling me it was my fault and then leaving with a lovely speech about me being a stupid, naive, little girl.
So yes, I've had a great day. I will not be going to see him off. I will never speak a civil word to that bitch again and I will resolve to being my old, cold self- just like the good days.
Alone again.
Naturally.
Over and out.
Beatrice
We decided between us that this would be an interesting explanation to the dynamic between Beatrice and Benedick, but also the relationship they both have with Margaret. It is very clear in the first half of our play (as it is arguably a relationship that makes the plot what it is) that Beatrice and Benedick do not like each other; in fact I believe that hate may be a better word. They cannot stand the site of one another, to be in the same room in fact and they must always have the last say. We decided that this hatred must come from a deeper source of pain, which we concluded occurred when the two ex lovers parted the first time- it was a very bad break-up, comparable even to a Taylor Swift song.
But who, what, where, when? What could have happened that justified such discontent. It then occurred to us that the attention Margaret gains when the soldiers return home and the cold, sarcastic tone Beatrice takes with her could be the perfect explanation. Therefore we decided that the back story was as described in the above diary entry. Benedick cheated on Beatrice with not just anyone, her maid, her confidant, her friend- a betrayal so deep and personal that the scars have not healed over night and on seeing Benedick return these wounds open, sparking Beatrice's reaction to both Benedick and Margaret.
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